Archive for April, 2010

Err, you arn’t here.. and after going through my emails I realise that this is because I never told you where to go. Ooops. Umm. I booked a room and bought us a fancy lunch, I totally thought I’d gotten back to you on that. I had a busy week last week, I’m very sorry but I think you slipped between the cracks.

If you happen to spot this and still want to catch up, I’m sitting here in very skimpy clothes with a crapload of fancy lunch going to waste…. You should give me a call, I was looking forward to meeting you and I’m very sorry about the stuffaround. Most people nag me a bit when I am being a slacker, I honestly thought we were all organised and ready to go. Oh well.

Everyone else, just in case he doesn’t, I’ve got a tentative at 12 – 1, and then nothing to do and all that bed going to waste….. lol. I’m such a dick sometimes. 5 minutes ago I was sitting here congratulating myself on filling the calendar. *slaps forehead* I’m a goose.

The above phrase would not describe my experience yesterday with reception. No sirree, not in the slightest. Before we go any further, let me remind you that I am the first to admit when stuff ups are my fault. Yesterday was NOT my fault. Yesterday can be blamed on menopause perhaps, or possibly oldtimers disease kicking in early, or on redheads with blonde chunks being a feral breed, I do not know, but it cannot be blamed on me. Totally not wearing that one.

I had 2 issues. I wanted to check in immediately (I had a client in the car, it’s not nice to keep people waiting in the carpark for extended periods of time) letting them take the usual $50 for security, but not paying for the extra nights stay up front (had already booked 2 nights, added another on top, first 2 nights were paid for and I asked if I could fix the other one up in the morning – my credit card took a beating when I booked the flights etc for my tour and I need to go top it up again, havn’t done the banking yet)

That was the first issue. The legendary Claire, who carried my coffee’s upstairs for me last week when I was a hobbling cripple, and who is generally just smiley, cruisy, doing her own thing, never gets her feathers ruffled, was on the desk along with the 2 old ducks, Trish with the frizzy hair and a bit of a snaggletooth, and Yvonne, who is a short solid woman in her 50s or so, with that kind of tortoiseshell effect the older ladies seem to love, with the cropped short hair and glasses. 

Both the older ladies were serving people so I gravitated over to Claire, who didn’t have a computer at that point… had a chat about the unhealthy credit card and the possibility of fixing up the other night in the morning, she was all cool with it. So I don’t know how we got from there to Yvonne jumping in with “Thats not how we do things here and you dont get special treatment just because you’re here all the time”.

Umm excuse me? Who asked you anyway? I was talking to Claire.

Things went downhill in a hurry from there. Neither of the old people would let me talk, Claire was standing in the background with a look of amused horrer on her face, watching Yvonne completely arse up the booking Claire was dealing with, I was thinking “oh ffs I’ve been here like 15 minutes, shouldn’t take this long to check in, you know me anyway, I’ve already paid for the first 2 nights, I can’t believe you are going to make me go and do the banking right now…. what a way to reward customer loyalty!!”

At this stage I’ve got Yvonne and Trish shouting at me over the desk, telling me I’m not getting in without another couple of hundred bucks, I’ve already explained to them that I’m on a deadline and really don’t have time for any off this, and I can’t believe it’s all become a dogs breakfast anyway, because it was all sorted until Yvonne jumped in.

I reached steam shooting out of ears stage after Yvonne said something particularly stupid, in that tone that middleaged women have when they talk to younger people, and they think the younger person is irretrievably stupid…. you know the one, your high school librarian would have had it down pat… I cant remember what it was but I remember thinking I’d had about enough of her, it was possibly the fact that she kept repeating that regular customers didnt get special treatment and that I would have to follow procedure…. garrrrr.  I looked over her shoulder at Claire, who was shaking her head, and said “Claire, can you just do this please because you’re awesome?” She grinned, grabbed my card, said “yep mate, not a problem, its done”

I asked her what shifts she was on and asked if I could just deal with her in future so as not to have people nagging at me like old nanna’s or someones mean aunty, she said, oh I’m here all the time, told me what days she was on day and what days she did nights, I grabbed my key, went and got my lovely client, who was very patient I must say, went upstairs, had a nice stress relieving sort of shag….. you’d think that would be the end of it yeah?

Anyone who’s had a longer sort of booking with me knows I like to fuck around on the computer looking at porn or youtube or facebook or whatever during recovery times…. Here comes issue number 2. They have the annoyingly expensive sort of internet here, you enter your surname and room number and it gives you a password. If reception have put you in the computer, that is. If they havn’t, you get a message that says name and room number dont match. Guess which I got? Lol.

I called downstairs, I have had this problem before, and it takes them 2 clicks on a keyboard to fix it. I got Yvonne. Awesome. I asked to speak to Claire, I was put on hold. After 3 minutes I hung up and called back. I got Yvonne. I asked to speak to Claire again, was put on hold again. After 3 minutes I hung up and called back (personal theory about hold times – 3 minutes is long enough) and asked Yvonne if there was anyone else on the desk – I really just didn’t want to deal with her at that point – she’d been balking and stalling things at the desk because she had her knickers in a knot about me paying for the extra day up front, which was pretty unreasonable from my point of view… she knows that I will pay it, its just that its against the rules as far as she is concerned. She expects me to go do my banking, which for me is kinda inconveniant at that particular moment, as I am supposed to be upstairs shagging someone please.

There wasn’t anyone else on the desk. I asked her to connect my internet for me. She put me on hold without answering. I hung up, not waiting 3 minutes this time, and called back, and asked if she was going to connect my internet for me. She said no, I didn’t want to deal with her and there was no one else available, so I could just wait, and she would get the manager to contact me later. Then she hung up before I could get a word in. WTF? I don’t want to talk to the manager, I just want my freaking interent connected please. I called back, explained that, asked her nicely to connect the internet for me, she hung up on me. 2 more fruitless calls to Yvonne resulted in me getting hung up on again and put on hold again, and then I called back and got Trish, who said that Claire had gone home for the day so I would have to either speak to the manager or wait until Claire came back tomorrow if I wouldn’t deal with Yvonne.  

OMG. Who the hell decided vicious old women were a good choice for receptionists? I felt like at any minute I was going to be hauled up and screamed at for not having my hem exactly 15 cm above the ground. Don’t get me wrong, there are some nice old ladies, just probably not very many of them. My Nan is nice, but she was the only person in her bowling club who wasn’t a spiteful old vulture… the rest of them were really scary. I thought the whole idea behind hotels having a reception area was so that guests felt welcome and wanted??

I called back and asked Trish to connect my internet for me. She asked why I didn’t just ask Yvonne to do it. I said “I DID!! 4 times!!” At this stage 18 minutes have passed since the first phone call. I am preeeeetttty peeved at this point. Trish finally connected my internet for me. Dude, about time!!! What a mission – 18 minutes to get someone to click a button, which incidently is part of the job they are being paid to do.  

So that was my issue – please let me check in, I stay here every week, it costs me around 2800 a month and you all know me on a first name basis. I have invested lots of chatting at the desk time in order for us to be at that stage. I am paid up til Tuesday and will fix up Wednesday nights cash on Tuesday morning. Please turn on my internet that I have already paid $20 extra for so that I can use it.

I won’t tell you the managers response because I really like using this place, but it was not cool at all. No, fuck that, she said it, not me. If I don’t like the service here (or lack thereof) I can just leave. I went off my nut after what she said, a few swear bears were seen in my vicinity, I packed up all my gear and was getting ready to go downstairs and demand a refund, realised I was in fine form and should not be making any life altering decisions until I calmed down, called wifey for a bit of perspective and a vent, and then drove around for about an hour, with the half assed plan of swapping hotels to the twin of the Executive, which is not all that far away.  

Wifey very sensibly talked me into going back and finishing the job I was doing – my client was still with me, and had assured me that I was not shouting at the receptionists (I asked – I get shouty sometimes, and I don’t like to be a goose if its avoidable) and he was an absolute angel about the whole deal – I think it was kinda obvious I was upset. At this point, I’ve been shouted at by old people for no good reason (I feel like I shouldn’t shout back if people are old for some reason… its not cool for them to shout at me if I can’t shout back) I’ve been spoken down to, talked over the top of, cut off and interrupted, told I’m not important and don’t get special treatment, and that if I don’t like it I can just leave. Well!

Wifey was right, I had a really nice man with me who pretty much just wanted some more action, so I asked her to call and mediate for me so that I knew it was being dealt with (I’m not good with unresolved issues lol) and I went back to the hotel and hopefully made up for all the stuffing around and unpleasantness with a bit under 2 hours of extra time and a very passionate releasing of tempers in a  more productive way lol. I have to admit I did feel better afterwards.

Wifey had a reasonable chat to the manager, who admitted to Wifey the whole thing was a “regrettable incident which unfortunately escalated” and that I would be greeted by nothing but smiles in future, and she apologised for the rudeness of her staff. I still feel that doesn’t really cut it. I fuck up all the time, so I am getting to be an expert at making up for mistakes, and that response doesn’t cover it. Wheres my free stuff, huh?

 Wifey advised not speaking to anyone here until the manager has had a chance to hear Claire’s side of things, and she reminded me that the only side of the story the manager had heard was the old ducks, and me already worked up at that point… and apparently poor Yvonne was in tears by the time the manager got back from her lunch break. Call me cynical, but Yvonne had probably either had time to think about what a rude old bitch she’d been to a good regular customer and the likely impact of that on her career, or time to pinch the soft bit inside her arm a few times in order to rustle up some sympathy.  She was certainly not teary on the phone, she was sounding quite happy with herself at that point, she had the power of the hold button over me.

To be honest I’d be happy with an apology from the manager for telling me if I don’t like the service here I can just leave – that’s a fucked up response from someone who is supposed to represent the owners interests – and a huge apology from the 2 receptionists who thought it was ok to speak to me like a child and shout at me in front of other guests, all in the name of stuffing me around for no apparent reason. I’m thinking of bringing in a gift for Claire purely for being the only one with a sensible bone in her body on shift yesterday. She deserves it… If she hadn’t been here yesterday theres a large chance I wouldn’t have checked in at all. Call me stupid but I don’t like spending money where I’m not wanted, and I definately didn’t feel any welcome yesterday. I tend to be an emotional purchaser… I go to a pie shop like 15 kilometres out of my way because I like the couple that own it, and will refuse to buy from shops with rude staff, pretty much for the same reasons.

Lets talk about something more pleasant – If I have to think about that mess for much longer I’ll lose my good mood. I went to the beach with the dogs yesterday morning, with the plan of blogging after that and before my booking but I got distracted and didn’t end up having time, so then the plan was to do it after my booking, which didn’t finish until nearly my bedtime (nana o’clock, I believe its called), so yeah, my apologies about the lack of a new blog yesterday.

I would like a little pat on the back for improving with the phone answering lately – I would say I’ve gotten to about 90% of calls. Yay me. Which gave me a great opportunity the other day – My first phone sex booking That was hot!! I had no idea how much fun it is, and so easy too, except for the bit where Princess must have jumped on the screen door and I thought Wifey must be home early, and heres me on the couch with 6 inches of whirling plastic cock plunged into my depths… I bolted to the bedroom and locked the door lolz. I told Wifey about that afterwards and she found it hilarious that I was actually using the vibrator instead of just pretending to – you know what? the thought never occurred to me lolz. Phone sex would be heaps harder if I had to fake it, I don’t think I could keep a straight face for that long lolz.

I’m still working on my Newcastle Mini WebPage – its too big now to be an article lolz. I’ve been going nuts on plans for my fanclub too – I wrote out 4 pages of inclusions for memberships the other day, it’s awesome to have such a big new project to work on Admin Monkey, I know I still have to do those other 3 or 4 pages for you too. I will get onto it at some point, I havn’t forgotten but its getting to the point where I am starting to need clones again lol.

Oooh… this ones taken a while to write up I’ll have a happier one with pretty pics this evening for you I just checked facebook and saw all the earlybirds hehehee. Better not keep people waiting

I’ll catch up with you later today hopefully

Lani xx

That is what the headlines will read if the aircon isn’t turned down soon. I swear its like maximum 18 degrees Celsius here, with frosty air blasting at me out of the ceiling. The somewhat vacant stare of the pimply lass with the braces didn’t fill me with confidence when I asked if they could turn the temp up a bit, so I think I’m just going to have to deal with it. On the plus side of things, any typo’s today obviously arn’t my fault, as no one can type properly with frost bite. 

It’s a bit of a downer really, the day was starting off so well. It’s a beautiful autumn day outside, crispy air and warm sunshine and blue skies as far as you can see. It’s the kind of day you imagine when you plan a picnic. I think by lunchtime it will be nearly summer again, it looks like the day is going to be a hot one once the sun defrosts the morning air a bit. 

Oh, good news!! I gave up on the crutches, I’m not sure if I told you one of the damn things broke and I faceplanted… that was awesome. I tried using one crutch, which was all kinds of ghey and actually more painful than just hobbling without the crutch, and I took the strapping tape off because it had gotten wet a few times and was looking sad… so no crutches and no tape at the moment. I had a doctor client (thanks gorgeous ) restrap it with bandages yesterday morning, and when I unwrapped it last night it was looking nearly normal again. 

I didn’t bother wrapping it back up this morning, and I’m actually wearing 2 shoes in the regular approved fashion of non cripples. I think I am nearly better, and that it must have just been twisted or strained and not broken. Woot. That is much more betterer…. I so wasn’t looking forward to gallivanting all over the countryside on one leg and crutches with all my usual luggage… It would have been a bit of a mission, to put it mildly. It’s still a bit sore, and I’m still limping a tiny bit, but I don’t look like I’m about to fall on my face now apparently, so that’s good. 

My laptop is being a douche in a major way today. I usually have about 5 or 6 tabs open at once, it’s how I do things, and firefox is refusing to open more than one at a time. Very frustrating. I want to check facebook and my emails and calendar  and blog and twitter at the same time, and I can’t. For a second there I was worried my facebook page had been deleted again, but I checked on my iphone and its still there – phew lol. 

Ok problem fixed. I switched to internet explorer, it seems to be working fine. I was able to check my emails and facebook messages, and it looks like I’m going to be a busy girl for the next couple of weeks – awesome I do like being busy, it makes me feel productive. I get mopey when I’m bored lol. Or hyperactive, which can actually be worse if I don’t have anything or anyone to wear myself out on.   

Sidenote – Wifey is sitting across from me smirking at me shivering – she doesn’t think its cold at all. She has a big woolly jumper on.  And she got me a regular sized coffee instead of a large. Maybe she doesn’t love me anymore? lol. 

Hmmm… I just thought of something… I was going to do a roadtrip down the side of Australia this time round instead of fighting with airport staff the entire way, but then I hurt my toe and booked plane tickets instead. The roadtrip idea is still something I really really want to do – I like driving, and hate airports, and being a country kid originally myself, I understand that it sux hardcore when good stuff only happens in the big cities and not in your town. 

I would seriously love to here from all the country boys who’d be interested in me stopping in for a night or an hour, so that I can plan a road trip for later in the year… October maybe? Depending on interest I could do an entire lap of the country, shaggin’ wagon style… maybe get a winnebago? That would be freaking awesome – I’ve been wanting to do it for years. Would anyone mind particularly if I brought my pets? Or is that a turn off? Read an extremely funny review once where the escort’s maltese dog decided to join in in the bedroom – my pets would be outside for that reason lol. 

Hey, Jessie Abraham…. I had a dream last night I was in a music video you produced I wouldn’t actually want to hear my voice recorded, that might shatter a few fragile self conceptions I think, but how awesome would a “roadtrip with lani” doco be? Even if its a crappy documentary (this would be due to subject matter rather than the producer, of course)  it would still be a really fun trip  

On second thoughts, considering the trouble we got into last time we hung out, we might end up being banned from whole areas of the country instead of just peoples houses, hahahaha. I have not had white wine with vegemite toast for breakfast since  

For anyone who has no idea who Jessie Abraham is, you are missing out – she’s awesomeness on a stick. Jess is a Darwin based comedian, sex worker and activist, shes also an independant film maker who is travelling to various far flung corners of the world making movies about sex workers conditions etc.   

I stole these links off her facebook page for anyone who wants to cyberstalk her and maybe throw some funds her way for a trip to Europe in July to make another film there. She made an awesome film in India a while back about sex workers conditions there, called “Comparing Countries Compassion” - you can always buy a copy of that before funding her next one to see if she’s any good No seriously, she is an amazing person who does a lot of good for the industry, as well as being a fantastically fun person who I found to be an absolute barrel of laughs. 

The boys who were sad when I lost weight and changed my hair will be super happy with Jess too – massive smile, massive tits, beautiful long dark hair… Just like Lani circa, 2004/2006, only she’s a bit taller, and much more well travelled than I am, she has some great stories  I’ll see if I can pop my fave pic of her here… she has a stunning smile and she bites her lip when she’s feeling cheeky like I do hehe… tis cute  Ooh – it worked… now if you want to see more pics and find out what the fun and fabulous Jess is doing you can go here -

 http://www.sexworkisrealwork.com

http://www.facebook.com/LusciousLani01?ref=profile#!/LusciousLani01?ref=profile  – Not 100% on it but this should take you to Jess’s facebook profile

Mooooorning

you know I totally forgot to tell you that yesterday morning after the trip to the vets one of my crutches broke? I was having one of those days. This morning seems to be going much better so far. I’m at work early, Mcmuffin on one side of the laptop and coffee on the other, all pretty and nice smelling in my fancy knickers, minus my crutches cos there is no dignified unpainful way to hobble with just one, waiting for my 8.30 appointment.

Go me, I havn’t stuffed anything up yet today lolz. It’s a good day

This morning I’ve got a few online things to do – I’ve still not dealt with telstra what with being a bit busy and crippled this week, so I’ll have to get onto that but I don’t think I can today – I think the call centre is shut on Saturdays. I have to book flights etc for my canberra/melbourne tour, which looks like it is shaping up to be a really good one, and I’ve remembered the name of the airline that flies Newcastle Canberra, which is a bonus lolz.

K is still not very happy with all his booboo’s, he looked a bit sad yesterday. M tried to look all innocent but epic fail on that – he had another go at K last night. Really going to have to get that cage training started ASAP – I’ll start looking into it when I get back from this tour. Either that or look into canine self defense classes so K can learn not to be such a little pussy – it’s pretty shameful that M is beating him up all the time. M’s breed is known for being fab children’s pets and sheep dogs, and K’s 2 breeds are known for being savage attack dogs with huge fangs that will rip your liver out without thinking. Bit sad really, lol. ]

Mmmm too much mcmuffin. bit full now lol.

I’ve got something to tell you all later too, but I’m running short on time at the moment. Need to brush my teeth after all that sausagey goodness I’ll be back at like morning tea time or something

Lani xx

Hello kidlets, whats happening?

Sorry I’m so late with the blog again – unforeseen circumstances have been doing terribly rude things to my schedule. Gimme 2 secs to make a coffee… umm hang on… I’m on crutches so add a couple of minutes for the whole 3 metre round trip to the kettle lol… anyway, gimme a bit of time to get coffee and I’ll tell you whats been happening.

Ok… kettles on. Last time I stuck my head in and actually told you news and current affairs rather than lifestyle advice I mentioned the broken toe, courtesy of my dogs butt. I would like to point out to any PETA members that K is 27 kilos, I am 48 kilos – theres a bit of a weight advantage, but its not like a picked up something white and fluffy and tried to score a goal with it or anything. I wasn’t aiming to hurt him, it was meant to be a foot slap, using the top of my foot, but due to him spotting it coming and moving to avoid it I misjudged the angle and sort of hit the big toe on him in passing and twisted it or something. Anyway, it hurts like a freaking bitch. Go Nurofen Plus – it’s my new best friend.

So heres me, hobbling around like a sexy bitch on crutches (can I say that? lol) all day yesterday. I got shagged to within an inch of my life, one long booking in the morning with someone I think I will be seeing again sometime soon  and another one in the afternoon with that fucking sexy french guy (phwoar, I believe is the proper term)… all on top of using way more upper body strength than I am used to to haul myself around with. I didn’t get home until after dinner time, and then I pretty much crashed straight away – Wifey woke me up and sent me to bed when I fell asleep in front of the telly at some very nanna-ish stage of the evening.

I woke up this morning and dragged my sorry self out the back to the loo. My house is very old so the toilet is on the back veranda. I’m out there doing my thing, when all of a sudden I hear yelping and crashing and banging and whimpering and wood scraping on wood and all sorts of clanging and catastrophe related sounds… but I’m on the dunny with my pants around my ankles and one broken toe – it’s not like I can jump up and find out whats going on.

I swung the door open to see K backflip out the back door and down a couple of stairs, with his head, one foreleg straight out and one stuck chicken wing style, in the lid of the kitchen bin.

 HA!!!! Busted mate, raiding the kitchen bin. That will teach you… bahahah. Until I went to see what damage he’d done to himself. The poor fool has been fighting with M, the other dog, who is roughly 3/4′s his size…. and who is apparently kicking his ass into the ground.

The tumble with the bin lid, which was way too tight a fit for the dog, had broken open all these little half healed wounds, some of which I have noticed before but most of which were news to me. K and M fight occasionally  – maybe more often than I thought looking at poor K, but its usually over things like bones and food scraps, so they get fed seperately. I thought that had dealt with the issue, I havn’t caught them at it lately, but apparently not.

Basically, after I pulled the bin lid off his head, there was blood and yuckiness everywhere. There is a reason I didn’t become a doctor. Not good with yuckiness or blood. Then I had 40 minutes on the phone trying to find a vet that would pick up an injured animal at 7.15am. No joy – Newcastle vet’s are apparently all lazy bastards who won’t get out of before 8.30 am or drive anywhere.

If you are a vet in Newcastle, someone needs to get onto setting up a pet ambulance – this morning was all kinds of fucked up. Put it this way, I have a broken right toe, and I ended up driving him to our local vets at 8.30 when it opened, cos otherwise he would have been screwed. It is really unacceptable that that was my only option. That or not get him medical attention, which was not an option.

K got a very interesting new haircut at the vets, lovely square bald spots around each of his 7 big bites – M has a lot to answer for. I have decided I am going to have to cage train M so that they can be kept apart while I’m out and about – they behave themselves when I am at home. If you’re a farmer or dog person that knows of any handy links to suppliers or training methods for cage training a working dog, I’d be very grateful, thanks

So, what with the cleanup and evaluation and extremely dodgy driving on the way to the vets, I was running a bit behind time this morning, so you missed out on blog again. Soz. Will try to do better in the morning lolz.

In other news, some of you might like to know that I am wearing my wicked weasels today, and I have the front bum wedgie from hell. I’ll leave you with that lil mental picture. The red ones, if you were wondering

Lani xx

Hey again,

I’ve had a cancellation, so I’ve got a wee bit of time to myself until my next booking, which gives me time to tell you something, well really, to expand on something I mentioned the other day.

So… we’ve got this person/3 people with the same IP and many names, sending lots of stir the pot type stuff. Then we have Lisa with her comments both here and on Lucy Blake’s blog… by the way, I’ve confirmed and double checked that it wasn’t Lisa Isabella – she’s a lil pissed at whoever it was for inferring that it was her – she said she doesn’t like them bagging out another WL.

Due to issues I’ve had in the past with people with low maturity levels and high creepiness factors, I tend to assume straight off the bat that any weird messages I get on the internet come from one of 2 people – a weird balding fat short man who lives with his mother in Melbourne and likes to befriend hookers and then spread malicious gossip about them (as an alter ego of course – think jekyll and hyde), pretending the whole time that he is horrified that someone would say such nasty things and offering to save them in various ways. That’s one.

The other one didn’t even cross my mind to be honest, but someone else pointed out that he works in similar ways. Sneakily, underhanded, maliciously, and out of a sense of injured justice.

I don’t know whether its human nature to be blind to your own faults or not, but the second one hates me to bits because I gave him an honest assessment of his maturity levels and general mode of operations, and I graded him much lower than he would have, because in his opinion, he is perfect. I disagree with that assessment lol.

You lot know how I operate, if you’ve been reading from the start, or if you know me. I believe in being accountable for my actions. I believe in other people being accountable for theirs. That requires 2 things, mainly… honesty and humility. I’m not always right, and I admit it. I think the people who go around creating lots of accounts with different names in order to stir shit, the people who have to lie and make up shit about other people, are the sort of people who can’t imagine admitting to and celebrating their weaknesses as well as their strengths.

Here’s my theory on it. Self esteem issues…. ok, lets say you arn’t very pretty or smart, and your social skills have been hampered because of that. You havn’t got any special skills you’re aware of. You truly believe you are a loathsome cockroach already, and that no one will ever love or appreciate you, and that if anyone did, it would be because of a serious mental defect on their behalf.

So you ingratiate yourself to people. You are super helpful and kind. You do all the crap no one else wants to do. You earn yourself a place that way, but you still get no respect. So people accept you now, but they still treat you as a second class citizen. This situation is pretty soul destroying, and if this is as far as you get socially, you are probably going to be pretty bitter and angry about it. You’ll be easily frustrated,  feel taken advantage of, trampled over… because you’ve turned into a doormat at this point.

You’ll think this is your fault, as people who have no healthy way of expressing negative emotions tend to internalise them. You’ll assume its because you are somehow different and crappier than the rest of humanity, everyone treats you badly, and this must be because you have a sign on your back saying “kick me”.

This may seem right and normal (defeatist – think Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh) or it may be because the world is fucked up and no one understands (teenagers/Emo’s mainly) or it may be because you have a problem with entitlement. You think things/people/situations should work the way you want them to, and when they don’t you react instead of thinking about it and figuring out why, and then everything goes bad for you.

The truth is, for anyone who is seeing a bit of themselves here, that social skills are just that – skills. They can be learned at any age. There are healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with any and every situation. Choosing a healthy way of handling a social situation is as important as choosing healthy foods and choosing an active lifestyle.

For the people who want to harass and upset me – you are only hurting yourself. All this nastiness is junk food for your soul. You’ll get karmic pimples and possibly moral cellulite. I’d say if you’re feeling the need to be nasty it has more to do with your anger and impulse management skills than anything I’ve done to you lolz.

I think the funniest sentence in the English language is “but he/she/they MADE me do it!!”. No one can make anyone do anything. There is always an element of choice. Not talking about extreme situations here, obviously. Everyday ordinary situations.

“She made me angry because she wouldn’t give me the last piece of cake” should actually read “I chose to overreact in an angry manner as I was frustrated about not getting the cake, and I felt that I was entitled to the cake. Another choice I could have made was to be gracious in the face of no cake. I did not choose to do this as I felt that getting angry would either a) secure me a piece of cake, as she might be frightened of my anger, or  b) possibly make her feel guilty at upsetting me, and I might get the cake. Choosing graciousness would cement the decision that I am not getting cake, which was not ideal for me.”

A long time ago, Wifey pointed out to me that I would go off my nut all the time for no apparent reason, and that most of the time I had no idea why I was angry, or whether or not I had any right to be. I didn’t like that, but it made me think. I didn’t want to be a psycho, and I loves Wifey to bits, she’s my best friend, so I don’t want to be shouting at her if she hasn’t done anything to deserve it… so I did something about it.

To date I’ve done like 3 anger management courses and 2 assertiveness training courses. People might argue that another round or 2 wouldn’t hurt, but I’m pretty happy with where I am now with it. I’m not perfect, and I’m not afraid to admit it. It isn’t a bad place to be.  There’s nothing wrong with taking action to fix a problem and learn a few new skills.It leads to enlightenment, as Buddha would say. It can make you a better version of you.

Now, people who spam my site with crap, may I recommend this course of action to you? Instead of being a socially retarded douche, spreading resentment and anger and  misery where ever you go, you could improve yourself and give yourself something and someone to be proud of.

Learn to deal with issues when they are small and manageable, instead of building resentment until you explode. Deal with your insecurities as an integral part of who you are, instead of a shameful damaging secret that everyone would hate you for if they knew. Embrace yourself – you are lovable. If you truly arn’t lovable, do something about it…. If there are parts of you that you despise, work on them. Nothing is impossible, and all the things in life that are worth doing require a bit of effort.

Don’t hate the people who fit in easily, those who have given to the world and received in turn. They are not better or worse than you, they are just people. No one is measuring you against them in the way that you think they are – and if they are judging you, that makes them judgmental and superficial….. do you want to hang out with superficial people?

Come back when you’ve done all that – mature people who are responsible for their own thoughts, actions and emotions are always welcome here.

Idiots with multiple personalities and chips on their many shoulders, not so much so.

Lani xx

Sean Valen, totally siding with you here. How the fuck does one snap a toe on their own dogs arse?? It’s a stupid injury. It hurts like 7 kinds of holy fuck, and I’m sure my dog tee’d it up that way on purpose, to teach me a lesson. Not sure how he managed that, but the thought is a lingering one lolz. The dog is completely unrepentant… he was inside stealing cat food again last night. Didn’t even have the decency to look sheepish about it.

I slept in this morning, so my apologies for being late with the blog again – I have a feeling it had something to do with the lolly bag of painkillers I had for dessert last night. Slept like a log

A big thanks to the lovely boy who grabbed the Cheryl Cole CD for me yesterday, I’m enjoying it very much The only thing I don’t like is the sound of me trying to sing along… her vocal range is amazing, and I sound like a warbling duck in comparison.

OK, I’ve got a busy day lined up ahead of me, and I am currently wearing a cheeky xmas shirt and a very comfy pair of trackies, some bandages and one knee high ugg boot. I have a keen bean on the freeway right now, speeding towards me, and due to arrive about an hour early.

I have a couple of options the way I see it. I can be the most unglamorous hooker ever, and stay here and talk to you guys until I hear the knock on the door, or I can go and have a shower and dig up something frilly or lacy to throw on in place of all this cotten and polar fleece Now, I’m naturally inclined to comfort… ie, laziness. The urge to stay here on my butt is strong. However, I have not yet met a man with a fetish for a girl who looks warm and comfy. The closest is John Thomas in Melbourne, with his fetish for my summer uniform – bikini and thongs lol.

That’s sorted it then. I have some pride lol. I shall choose the not looking like a skank option Having said that, if I leave it much longer, that will turn into the cripple in the shower option, cos if I don’t get in now I won’t be out in time.

I feel bad for being such a  neglectful blogger the last few days. I promise you all something long and juicy soon.

Lani xx

OK, its a speed blog. I have a client on his way upstairs now, but I didn’t want you lot to think I was dead or anything.

Quick update – I smashed my toe. It’s a case of karma, pure and simple. I kicked my dog in the butt to remind him its definately not OK to steal Princesses hideously expensive fancypants cat food, and his butt snapped my toe, reminding me that violence is wrong, even if the dog is a naughty little poop with no manners who gets plenty of his own food, including fancypants smoked pork bone treats.

Sooo… I got a trip to the hospital, I got wheeled around by a hot intern who looked like Jesse Spencer from House, I got to have an interesting chat with a guy who had gravel scrubbed out of his flesh with a wire brush without anaesthetic after he “stacked his moto” who was in to get his bandages changed. I got to swear my head off with the encouragement of the doctor who strapped my toe and wrapped up my foot – she wasn’t gentle in the slightest, and omfg it hurt. She thought it was funny.

And now I get to discover all the positions that are possible in the sack without bumping ones big toe. And I have crutches. I want to do something unspeakable with them and post pics before I have to give them back, but I havn’t decided on what yet.

Ok, theres the knock…

Bai…

Lani xx

Having trouble getting brain into action this morning… I’m in one of those blank starey sort of moods. I tried so so hard last night to stay up until grown up bedtimes… I managed 8pm lol. I suppose all the early starts arn’t really helping at all. I stayed in bed til 6am today – thats a bit of a sleep-in going off what I’ve been getting lately.

I’ve been reading through the unpublished comments… you guys know all the comments are pre approved right? So anyway…. Jim/Tony/Paul…… whats your problem? You have one IP address, you know that right? and you know that I can see it, and I can see that apparently 3 fairly obnoxious guys at one computer, or one guy who changes his name as often as his underwear, is responsible for sending a lot of stir the pot type stuff.

Dude, you have issues. I’m not publishing your shite any more, and I am banning your IP. Obviously you have issues with the stuff I post, and I think we will both be a lot more relaxed and happier if you don’t have access anymore. Admin Monkey, ban that douche please when you get a chance.

Anyone else who wants to be a cockhead, it is your right. Please indulge if you feel the need. Just don’t try to be sneaky or clever with it. No name changes etc, otherwise same will happen to you. I support people who have the cahonas to be a cockhead occasionally without trying to deny it. It’s very human. People who have to hide behind fake names, you get no respect, and also no access.

God. Who’s idea was it to play cruisy Pete Murrey at this time of the morning? I need something with a beat to wake me up a bit. Or there is a McCafe right there…….. hmmmm. Nup, there’s a huge lineup. I’ll wait. Unless someone wants to grab me a caramal latte? tall, skinny? lol. It was worth a try.

Ok Wes, I’ll start with your comment. It kinda annoyed me for a bit, until I figured out why. Dude, you are on touring rates when I see you in Melbourne. That’s 550 an hour. If you paid a membership fee of 250, and saw me once for one hour in the year, at happy hour rates, even the new happy hour rates, you’d pay 250 for the hour. Even if the membership included nothing at all bar that discount, you’d still be 50 bucks better off. What have you got to complain about? It works out well for you. And you usually book longer than an hour anyway (I’ve noticed with Miss A lol) so it has the potential of saving you a motza, even if its only the one booking per year.

For anyone with commitment issues, my normal rates will not be changing, and there is absolutely no pressure on you to become a member – Non members will be much more profitable, after all lol. However, invitations to Lani Parties will be Member Only, Members Rates will of course be Members Only, and other member benefits that are currently spinning around my frontal lobes won’t be available to you either. However Wes, you may still get invited, and you may still get out of paying full price. You would be awesome painted in gold at a toga party, for example We could work something out

Also, I didn’t say that I would restrict reading my blog to members. That’s ghey. I was thinking of having another blog on the other website for members, a more personal one with erotica etc. What I meant was like a cheaper rate for people who wanna read naughtier blogs and come to the parties, but who don’t want to shag me, so miss out on the main benefit, which is the much more affordable hourly rate, doesn’t seem to be a good deal for them. Also, I disagree with the concept that you need to be a client or potential client of mine to benefit from loving me to bits and joining my fan site

Wifey is a legal secretary, although she isn’t working as one at the moment, and she is going to work out the legalities for me, so I should be safe at that end Robs. Australian anti porn laws shouldn’t affect erotic literature, I don’t think… I’ll make sure its all legal and ready to go before I put any money into it.

And Eggsy, don’t you have a shed where you hang your booby pics? you poor deprived boy. Every boy should have a wall of boobies. Even my mum, who is at least part Satan, let my lil bro have a wall of boobs. It’s normal. You don’t have to tell your mum you’ve played with that particular set of boobs…. she won’t know unless you tell her lolz.

Robyn, I really didn’t like you telling me I have a defeatist attitude. That is such a load of crap. I’m realistic, not defeatist, and I’m not so blinkered by blind optimism that I can’t see obvious issues before they develop. Real estates in NSW are perfectly within their rights to chuck my ass on the street with 2 weeks notice and no refund of bond if they find out I am using a residential premises as what is defined in Newcastle as an illegal brothel. It’s called a breach of the tenancy agreement.

Calling me defeatist is not going to change that fact, and I am not so idiotic that I will risk both my name and my money by doing something stupid and illegal. Especially seeing as I am not a quiet little mouse with no enemies lol. Someone will dob me in for sure, and the way to not get in trouble is to be not doing anything wrong lol.

IF I had a private landlord who was prepared to lease me the premises as a home office with everything above board  I would jump at it. I could lodge an application for a DA, and while it is being processed I am pretty sure I’m ok legally to work – have to double check on that. I’m not prepared to do it without the knowledge of the home owner, and I think that is fair and reasonable. Once I’m set up, I want it to be for a good long time, I don’t want to be embarrassed and inconvenienced by an eviction.

Random Lani trivia – new fave song is 3 words with Will.I.Am and some gorgeous brunette… constantly on repeat on my internal soundtrack lol. It’s playing now on the lovely big plasma – not at Mayfield Macca’s today… I’m pretty sure any plasma at Mayfield would be stolen before the day was out lolz.

God…. I have a serious urge to kick my computer in a soft and sensitive bit – it’s being terrible today. Stupid vista.

Ok, right after I said that the computer crashed, and I got to see a comment from Lisa, which I approved for you guys to check out. I don’t know why Lisa thinks I’ve lost the plot, or where she thinks I bagged out Georgia French… slandered her maliciously apparently.

For the record, my professional opinion of Georgia French is that she looks after her clients to the best of her ability, and I shared a few clients with her when we were the same body type, all of whom spoke highly of her and regarded her with some fondness. I would totally recommend her to anyone looking for a busty curvy girl who is good with her mouth

I do remember saying I found out Georgia wouldn’t do my banner due to history she and I have. That’s a personal issue, not a professional one – she personally has issues with me and doesn’t want to work with me. I don’t remember assassinating her character in the process. I don’t remember anything other than saying I understood why she wouldn’t do it. In fact I distinctly remember not going into detail at all about the matter, as it was GOF stuff.

I’ve never met Georgia for the record.  I don’t have a particularly high personal opinion of her, but that is between her and I and entirely due to my dealings with her in the past, and nothing to do with you, and I would strongly encourage other people to form thier own opinions about her rather than go off mine. I’ve been wrong about people in the past.

There is a link in the comment from Lisa giving a more detailed opinion from one of Georgia’s friends. Kudos to Lucy Blake for standing up for her mates, although I think it wasn’t particularly needful in this case, as I wasn’t attacking Georgia – I was placing a piece of the puzzle that was the debacle with auxxxreviews. That was all.

Apologies to anyone who thinks I’m running around with a big opinion knife slashing at you all. I’m just rambling here. If its offending you or your friends, it isn’t meant to (unless you are Peter from auxxxreviews, in which case some of it was meant to offend you because I was trying to point out that you were being a bit of a douche), so if you are going to get all sensitive about it, bugger off and read something else please. Can’t be bothered dealing with people getting miffy at me.

Lisa, to answer you more directly, if you want to know what the issue is with me and Georgia is, ask her, or go through the backlogs on FIA GOF. I was not being nasty, just honest. There is a difference… Go find out what the issue was and how it affected me and other girls at the time, and ask yourself if I am being unreasonable. I’m not going to publish it here. I’d like to know what your basing your perception of me losing the plot on though, out of curiosity.

I didn’t deliberately set out to hurt anyone with my comment, it was just meant to point out that i did what Peter and Mark asked of me, which should have secured me a banner with no further fucking around, they approached Georgia, apparently she refused point blank to make it because of personal issues with me – I did not get a banner, Peter and Mark failed to act appropriately and tried to blame it on me without ever telling me that the issue was Georgia’s reluctance to make the banner. Not my fault, and certainly not a problem with “specs” which was their other excuse.

If she is at home with Kleenex and supportive friends after a comment that harsh (!?!) it’s her issue, not mine, sorry. No one tried to scam 50 bucks out of her or make her look like a douche as a result of her actions. I believe they tried to do that to ME because of her actions. Not her fault – Peter and Mark should have been more professional and honest about the situation than they were, and Georgia, in my opinion, was within her rights to refuse the contract to make the banner for me.

I hope that settles the matter. I don’t care that Georgia chose not to make the banner, that’s totally her choice, my problem was with Peter’s arrogance and refusal to work with me instead of dicking me around, and the fact that he tried to blame it on me rather than telling me what the problem was.

Gaaar. Sick of people taking me out of context, I tells ya.

OK, I’ve decided that the membership idea is a goer. It will bring down my touring rates for members so that members get happy hour whenever and where ever, open up happy hour rates to when ever, instead of the 3 hours a day but only to deserving members and not the hordes, and I’ve had lots of awesome ideas to go with it, like Members Days in all the major cities and regional centres, Membership including (and paying for) awesome awesome Lani Parties, with xxx venues instead of clubs so Hannah can’t get the Bar Boys fired, with strippers and everything!!!!

That way we can’t get into fights with strip club bouncers, cos I’m gonna book the club for us so we can go nuts!!!! Sooooo looking forward to planning and doing those ones   Miss Aeryn, you have to come and see boobies with me – it was a fucking debacle last time but if we book the club in advance it should be fine No cops or wanker bouncers or stupid teenagers at maccas late at night. Yay.

My guess is its going to take a little while to get this off the ground. The first thing I want to do is set up a nice anonymous PTY LTD company so you guys don’t have Luscious Lani on your bank statements. I’m going to do a business plan for this one (no prizes for guessing whether I did one when I started as Luscious Lani lol) and work it all out on paper before I do a big TA DA when its ready.

Feel free to keep posting suggestions for inclusions, I wanna know what you think would be an awesome deal all round I can’t offer porn or naughty webcam though, its illegal in Australia, we gots to keep it clean lol. It’s a loyalty club, not a porn site… keep that in mind lol.

I’m still working on my Newcastle pages, it’s going to be a lot bigger than I thought lol. I’m thinking I might have to cut a lot of it out – it’s at the stage where the first “paragraph” got a bit too detailed and turned into 3 pages of text .. I don’t know how many pages once I format it with pics. I may have gone slightly overboard lolz. And that’s just on the lap around the beaches and all the things you can see around that area. I havn’t even started on food or accommodation yet. Ooopsy.

Oh good it’s Monday. I can sort Telstra out today, and maybe blog at you tomorrow from my bed, like a normal person would lol. I’m freezing my ass off here, and I’m really warmly dressed, but Macca’s has the aircon set to arctic. I could really use a doona lol. The woolly hat, knee high leather boots, big hoody and tights are not keeping out the breeze. I bet when I head outside I’ll break into an instant sweat from the difference in temps.

Speaking of which, its looking like a lovely lovely day out there. My phones on today, and I have booked my usual place from Tuesday through til Saturday morning, and until I sort out my fan site its HAPPY HOUR 10 AM THRU TIL 5PM THIS WEEK. WOOOT.

Call or email if you want to take advantage of it while it lasts

Have a lovely day peoples…. I hope that anyone who has had their knickers in a knot is able to untangle them and enjoy their day, wedge free

Lani xx

It was jealousy in part that made me say that. You are all being doona turtles, heads still retracted into pillowy mustiness, blocking out the screeches of the birds and the chatter of the maids in the hallway. Ok, maybe its just me listening to the maids chatter. The point is, I can’t seem to sleep in even when I try. I just get bored and irritable and wander off looking for something to do.

I went and got my complimentary breakfast this morning, and it turns out to be mildly homicidal. The bacon is ultra crispy and is trying to choke and stab me by turns, and the coffee seems to be part lava. Still, it was free… the Scottish part of me keeps reminding me that free breakfast is good breakfast, even if it is trying to kill me and not even being sneaky about it.

I wish the coffee would cool down though. Its so hot it was burning my hand a bit just holding it in the cup

Oh, advance warning – I may not (could change my mind tho) blog as early tomorrow morning because you lot are all asleep on weekend mornings anyway, and I want to see if I can make myself stay up late tonight to try and get my body clock used to a proper bedtime again. Heres hoping anyway – its absolutely shameful that a supposed lady of the night such as myself is hitting the sack at 8pm… lol. I’m such a nana sometimes.

Gaaaar. Patience is not one of my strong points, and I want to see replies on this mornings blog already… I’m quite excited about the members rates thing, but I want feedback first in case I am being sleep deprived and retarded.

Bugger waiting for this coffee. I’m sticking some more cold milk in it…. it has the potential to remove taste buds at its current temperature.

Hmmm… had some responses to make me think….

I’m gonna go with the membership idea I think. Can I get some idea of what people think is a fair price to get in? Bookings will be substantially discounted, and we’ll have to get thinking on what other goodies I can include for you hehe. I actually think this is a much better idea than happy hour – it should cut down my stress levels a fair bit with it being so black and white…. no more with people trying to book me for an hour at 4.55pm because they want happy hour.

They can book when ever I am available and awake and ready for a shag (ie if you think i’m gonna get up at 2am for an hour booking, think again lol) for the special introductory rate of blah… (havn’t settled on a price yet) and your next booking will be at my usual rate of 350 an hour, although if you choose to become a member yada yada yada give the membership spiel….

What do you think? I’m a sucker for memberships with free stuff. Ooh I know one thing I can stick in – discount vouchers for your mates (not everyone will use them obviously but punting should be a team sport imo lolz) and Luscious Lani posters – stuff like that. And what would girl members want do you think? Like not punters, just people who think I’m a bit of a cack and read the blog and stuff… Should I have different membership levels for people who want to fuck me and people who really really don’t want to? Lolz. Or people who only want the occasional shag?

That would sort out one issue…. Alias and Wifey have been having a minor spat about who gets to be president. Alias can preside over MWWTFM (members who want to fuck me) and Wifey could preside over MWRRDWTFM (members who really really dont want to fuck me). There we go, everyones sorted except for the people who only want to fuck me occasionally. To keep things simple we will call them non members lol.

Lolz… Ok I better get a wriggle on. It’s check out time so the maids will be along in a minute… I’ll drop into maccas later to steal thier wifi and check up on this My internet is still cactus, and I can’t ring and yell at Telstra until monday, so I’m without the net at home still. Ghey.

Laters

Lani xx