For a description of my services please read here.

More pics

I do not have pictures of my face on this site for privacy reasons. See my Twitter feed or Facebook page for random shots of whatever I feel like taking pictures of. This can include things like self portraits (often featuring nudity on Twitter), food pictures, sunset pictures, hot girls that happen to be standing where I can see them… all sorts of things. I do not guarantee either quality of pictures or frequency of pictures.

Can you take pictures during our booking?

For sure!! Thats always a lot of fun. There are rules though. You can take pictures on my iphone, not on any other device. If you switch devices, I withdraw my consent, which means you are committing a sexual assault. That’s going to ruin the mood somewhat, so I need you to be really clear on this point. My iphone, no other device. We’re clear on that? Sweet. If we get awesome shots that aren’t identifying, I am happy to forward them to you for your spankbank

What do I wear to bookings?

I value discretion and I am sure you feel the same way. When I arrive at your home or hotel I’ll be wearing either casual girl next door type clothes with very saucy knickers underneath , or office wear, again, with very saucy knickers on underneath. If you have a preference let me know If we have something planned for the evening, dinner or a show for example, I’ll dress like your date for the night, or if you prefer, your personal assistant.

I also have lots of costumes – I am happy to have them on already if you request them for an incall, or bring them with me to change into if I visit you. They include:

• Naughty Nurse
• Delivery Girl (khaki tie up shirt and shorty shorts)
• Hawaiian girl
• Teddy Bear – it looks like something Rainbow Brite would wear
• Victorian lady in french lace, complete with matching parasol
• 3 new bikinis, one fluffy black, one fluffy pink, one red tartan
• lots of school girl outfits
• a mermaid costume (it was for a party, but it’s there lol)
• a wedding dress

Where Are You?

I’m located in an apartment in an easy to find location in the inner suburbs of Newcastle. There is plenty of discrete off street parking. I’ll be less vague about it when your booking is confirmed.

When are you back in Newcastle?

Unless it says I am elsewhere on my touring page, I’m still here, silly!! I live here lol.

When do you work? What are your hours?

My hours are right here, usually. Just so you know, I am a bit of a nana and am really better during the daylight hours, but if we cannot manage to arrange a booking inside my usual hours I am quite capable of caffiening myself up and partying with you into the wee hours of the morning.

My incalls are set up with this in mind –  most days I’m available 10am −4pm. Other incall times can be found on my availability page IF I am offering them, which is not always the case.

Outcalls are available outside of those times.  I’m more likely to be available during the day and early evening.

What happened to happy hour?

“As Lani is only able to work on a limited basis for the time being due to TAFE, she feels it’s in her best interest to temporarily end happy hour until further notice.”

So said the Admin Monkey, because he is polite. Actually, it kinda made me feel cheap, so it’s gone for good, and instead I’ve added to the service to increase the value for you.

Can I have your first appointment for the day?

You can if you get in before someone else books it.

However, a lot of other people have the same idea as you. If you don’t like the idea of seeing me on a day that others will also see me, you can always book me for the entire day, and that way no one else gets a chance to sully my pure and true self ….

I have been tempted to introduce a virgin tax on the first booking of the day as it is so popular lol. Guy’s, please realise I shower frequently and thoroughly – you are NOT going to get boy germs from booking me at lunchtime or in the afternoon.

You might however piss me off by being silly about it… I’ve seen more peen than anyone I know, and sleeping does not reset me to virgin, which seems to be an opinion a lot of boys hold lolz.

Clients with Special Needs

I am happy to provide a specially tailored service to clients with physical disabilities. I do not have any medical training at all but I do have common sense and empathy, and I will do my best to make sure everyone has a fantastic time.

I’m extremely open minded and not in the habit of looking down on people for stuff they can’t help. I’m experienced with catheters and canula’s and other medical sticky-outy-bits, blind clients, deaf clients, paraplegic and quadriplegic clients, amputee’s, scarring from burns and operations and just about everything else, extreme obesity, and old age.

None of the above worries me in the slightest, I know underneath all the external stuff you’re just a nice guy or girl who deserves a bit of sexy play as much as anyone else, and probably a bit more than some people.

Please note that I do not see clients with severe mental disabilities. If someone has a mental age of 10 they are too young for my services, no matter what their physical age is.

Special requests and fantasies

I do not charge extra for fantasies and roleplaying. If you have a specific scenario in mind that requires equipment or costumes you’ll be expected to provide all the necessary items, and then I am happy to play along. Please note that I do not provide heavy bdsm in my services, and that on the whole my kink levels lie much closer to the feather than the whole chicken, if you know what I mean.

Animal Lovers

I’ve received a few odd requests regarding animal fetishes. While I understand the whole different strokes thing, this is something I can’t approve of. Please don’t ask me to participate in any cross species sessions as you may be offended by my refusal. In fact I’ll probably go out of my way to make sure you’re offended, so please, just don’t ask.

Phone Sex and webcam sessions

Phone sex sessions are available by appointment only and must be prepaid. Funds must be received 24 hours prior to your appointment for session to take place. The rates are $150 per 20 minute session.

Sessions are real (as in I will actually be doing the things I say I am doing – I get the giggles if I try to fake anything lol).

COMING SOON: I am happy to take pictures before and during and either text or email them to you – a set of 3 live action pictures is yours for an additional $50*

Banking details will be provided when you make a booking.

*checking legalities of pictures at the moment. If it isn’ illegal, it’s on like donkey kong

I am concerned about my privacy

So am I. I also have family that will skin me if they find out what we have been doing. I’m 4’11, I can’t fight, and I am scared of your wife. Please be discrete in public with me, please be respectful* if you see me in public when we are not together – my mum might be in the next aisle of the supermarket, and she has eagle eyes and no respect for my privacy.

In turn, please be assured that I have absolutely NO URGE to out you. NONE. There is nothing in it for me. I am very very happy in my current state, and you may have wives or mothers that want to rip my limbs off. Then they’ll probably start on you. I’m sure we’ll both be better off with all arms and legs and other sticky-outy bits right where they are meant to be.

My goal in life is to be a fantastic memory, for the most part. I want to appear in your daydreams in the twilight years. I’ll be devastated if I am a bad memory, something you regret doing. I want to give you golden moments, not a broken marriage or a broken family. For me, our time together is special and unique, just you and me. I won’t do anything to jeapardise that… it isn’t in anyone’s best interests.

*That is, please act like you don’t know me from Adam. Whatever you do, don’t freak out and accuse me of trying to out you to the tabloids – I’d have to out myself first, and that is not going to happen. People are going to wonder why you are staring at the little blonde like she walked in and waved a big axe at you. It won’t end well. Just act like nothing is happening, please.

So, Can We Maybe See Each Other Outside Of Bookings?

Erm. Lets not go there. It’ll make things weird and awkward when I say no.

I’ve written craploads of stuff about the impossibilities of dating while being a sex worker… You can find it on FIA and SDU, two of the sex work based forums I used to fritter away my time on, and there is probably some stuff in the blog to the left of the screen there as well….

Read that in your own time, and just understand that this lil hooker has an “I don’t fuck for free” policy. Being my boyfriend is less fun than you think anyway… cough*highmaintainence*cough.

All that aside, this is my income. People pay me to have coffee and dinner and amazing nights out with them. It’s an awesome deal. My conscience is clear as far as being a dirty filthy strumpet goes, because it’s not like I slut around for free, and that’s the way I like it, and on top of that I earn a decent living which stops me from starving to death while I frolic about being the shagging fairy.

Besides… I like the fairytale aspect. All a fairytale is is a story that knows when to stop and which bits to leave out. So… Lets leave reality out of our liasons, and forget about all the boring and crappy things that would get in the way of our happily ever afters, and be content with our happily right nows. Right now is pretty awesome too, yes?

Can I Have An Incall Booking Outside Of Normal Hours?

 I realise my hours don’t suit everyone. If you’ve checked my availability and it doesn’t suit you, I can possibly arrange to meet you outside of my normal hours – I’m not promising anything but I will try. I can’t do this at short notice, however, so please contact me at least a few days ahead of time. 

My Question Wasn’t Answered On This Page

Poot. Thats not cool. If that is the case, please click on the speech bubble below with “.me” inside. This is the link to my Formspring account, which is a way in which you can anonymously ask me questions and have them answered without having to email me or anything first. All Formspring Questions will be answered in my own time.